Sometimes I stand there

In front of the mirror

And my stomach grows

My thighs fatten

My chins double

As I stare at myself

I can feel the food inside me

Bloating and distending me

From inside out

I rush to clothe myself

In case they no longer fit by the time I am finished

In case my fingers become too fat

And sausage like

To do up my buttons

I feel sick at the site of me

Like a whale

I scream at myself

How can you let yourself down like this?

You make me fucking sick

You should be ashamed

And I am

And then

Other days I stand at the same mirror

I look trim

Lean even

Is that me?

Damn

I look good for thirty

I think I might wear that shirt

The one made out of that clingy material

That accentuates my sleek lines

In fact

Am I too skinny?

Jesus

I can see my bones

Skin hangs of my skeletal frame

Lifeless silk drapes

That’s disgusting

You make me fucking sick

You should be ashamed

And I am