The wind it tackles
the leaves and the litter
the leaves and the litter
the leaves and the past
the sun it is drying
the paint and the puddles
the paint and the puddles
the paint and the past
I saw the bend coming
the bend was approaching
the bend in the road
that soon would be passed
I saw her look sadden
she feared I was leaving
the leaves and the litter
the paint and the past.
words and foto Tommy Carroll
re-edit
so beautifully put as usual Tommy. The emphasis on leaves and litter together with paint and puddles works so well.
Lynn Hamilton
Sun 28th Jun 2015 15:12
Lovely. Frances ;)
Hi Helen, I'm pleased that you picked up on 'melancholy'. Tommy
Hi Graham. I have re-wrote this piece a number of times over the last 5 years and most changes have been concerning "tears" & "pain" and countless rejigging around them. Even the use of "pain" in verse 2 was rejigged after posting half-a-dozen times.
The wind it tackles
The leaves and the litter
The leaves and the litter
The leaves and the past
The sun it dries
The paint and the puddles
The paint and the puddles
The paint and the past
I saw the land quickly approaching
the bend in the river
that soon would be passed
I saw her look
I knew she was leaving
The leaves and the puddles
The paint and the past.
The original posting.
Quod pleno non compleuit sed abandomed
Good work Tommy.
I would have liked the first three (perhaps four five six) verses to have been identically repetitive before the last wonderful gathering up verse to summarize it all.
I like the style, well done.
Graham
Really like this Tommy. It feels very lyrical and melancholy. Some nice poetic tools used with the repetition and alliteration. Good stuff!
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raypool
Mon 6th Jul 2015 10:13
Fine sense of movement as the general becomes the specific in terms of time, almost like the feeling of entering a new arena when it has been building up in your mind. Again, a sense of helplessness. Nature as well as being mind expanding, can also appear uncaring as I think you have it here. (bit of a mouthful, sorry)