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In the pause following the drama,
In the moment of blissful union,
In the space between two kisses on the cheek,
At the delicate dawn of a new day,
Lies a stillness that floats the mind
Like a gentle misty breeze,
A bridge of vapour to the other side.
Embrace the quietening of the senses,
Where sensitivity is heightened
By expectations of nothingness.
Silence is where you long to be.

◄ The liberation

The inner landscape ►


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Harry O'Neill

Fri 5th Jun 2015 21:39

Those first five lines would make a good poem on their own.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 3rd Jun 2015 15:07

This has many clear ideas and expressive lines. Would you consider paring off some words that, IMO, your intent doesn't really need?

'delicate dawn', 'gentle misty breeze' are expressions very over-used, which doesn't make them wrong, but avoidable if possible.

Just keep writing, with a thesaurus at your elbow. Mine is dog-eared and scrungy with usage.

Isn't the photo upside-down? Never mind; it's very eye-catching.

I have a poem in French. Perhaps I'll post it and you can enjoy having a go at me.

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