So you want the receipts for the shopping I did

The petrol, the food and the pressure cook lid

 

One seems to be missing, one seems to be lost?

Guess I’ll pay the price now, guess I’ll feel the true cost

That gaping black hole in the statement of life

Must surely be down to one profligate wife

Useless and lacking, defective as ever

Though she tried oh so hard to keep them together

But who would have thought that one could abscond

Waved far away by some miscreant wand

A tooth fairy gone bad, that leaves you with sweets

Rifles your purse then makes off with receipts?

 

I’ve scraped out my handbag, I’ve scoured the floor

Guess its gone to some graveyard for receipts no more

I’ve emptied the car, turned my soul inside out

No more searching for me, think the jury’s now out

Stand me in the witness box, put me in the dock

Throw me in the slammer, throw the key in the lock

Let it be recorded ‘The accused has no account’

Can’t remember just who served her, can’t remember the amount

I’m filled full of failure, I’m filled with remorse

Put me out of my misery, is it grounds for divorce?

Please God

Let it be

Grounds for divorce…

 

I went for a coffee with some mums from school

Maybe I do that too much as a rule

Didn’t have a pastry, a cake, or a scone

Don’t quite know where my money’s all gone

But for an hour or two I didn’t feel sad

Don’t have a receipt for the fun that I had...

 

So you’d like me to tally just all that I spend

To know exactly where our money ends

To meet with the meat of just where it all ends

Yes I’d like to know just where it all ends

Someone please tell me

How to make two ends meet

When they’re light years apart

It can prove quite a feat

 

So I must try harder, harder indeed?

A little more effort is all that I need

Try harder

Harder try

Harder, harder, harder

Try, try, try

Harderrrrrrrrrr

Tryyyyyyyyy

Try, harder

 

Today I went shopping, I bought quite a lot

Spent far too long getting out of that shop

5 air flights, 2 cases, 1 pass out of hell

For a journey long dreamed of, dreamed only too well

Receipt for one miserable fucked up life

Saved up by a broken, long suffering wife?

With the house and the car keys, it’s under the mat

Take your head from your arse and go paperclip that!