Fox News got an expert in

to tell them about terror

he said he had some beans to spill

and then he made this error

if you ever needed evidence

his analysis is cracked

he told them Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


he’s seen the Mecca Bingo halls

and put two and two together

then come up with 5, or 39,

he’s really not that clever

he thinks Aston’s twinned with Al-Qaeda

in a global terror pact

now that Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


he’s sure the call to prayer in Rackhams’

rings out from New Street’s minarets

the hajj happens in the Bullring

where Hezbollah have just met

with Ozzy and Black Sabbath

about laying down some tracks

because Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


the jihadis hang out in the sunshine

that fills Paradise Circus

there’s camels at the bus stops 

and the pubs are wearing burqas

the city’s motto ‘Death to infidels’

has the pizazz that ‘Forward’ lacked

you see Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


the M6 has madrassas

at J4,5,6, and 7

the Spaghetti Junction slip-road

is a hotline straight to heaven

and we all wear Muslamic ray guns

strapped onto our backs

because Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


there’s sharia law and Cadbury’s

a land of Dairy Milk and honey 

and if today the weather’s Shi’ite

tomorrow will be Sunni

and Villa and the Blues

are both best on the attack

since Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


the boats in Gas Street basin

are all learning the Koran

Chiltern Mainline runs from Moor St

to north Afghanistan

there’s a fatwa on pork scratchings

and the priests have all been sacked

because Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


if the Queen visits, she must grow a beard

a man must be her minder

and she must walk five steps behind

one of the Peaky Blinders

it’s nice to have her over

but we’re glad when she goes back

now that Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact


you may be thinking to yourself

can all of this be so?

Is Moseley full of mullahs

and I didn’t know?

A caliphate with chips and peas?

Does such a thing exist?

Well, Fox News got an expert in.

Would you really question this?

Just sit back and gawp in horror

at a world that’s out of whack

when he tells you Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact

you see Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnewsfact

because Birmingham’s gone Muslim

it’s a #foxnews #foxnews 

#foxnews #foxnews #foxnews  



© Steve Pottinger. 13 Jan 2015


fox newsbirminghamnewscomedyislamwest midlands.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 16th Jan 2015 12:53

Did you see the face of the female presenter? She looked absolutely aghast - like a deer caught in the headlights - a nightmare moment, I have to believe, for other Fox News personnel as well. I'm glad you have brought this poem forward.

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steve pottinger

Tue 13th Jan 2015 16:48

Thanks for the comments. The weather line seems to tickle a lot of funny bones - I wish I could take credit for it, but it's an old joke shoe-horned into the poem. :-)

While i'm not daft enough to believe this will make the slightest difference to Fox News or Murdoch (be a wonderful world where it did, though) I take great heart from the torrents of derision poured down on them via the #foxnewsfacts hashtag on Twitter. There's been some wonderfully inventive and very funny comments, and it was that mindset which helped inspire this poem. People can be utterly brilliant, and that always gives me hope.

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Jackie Phillips

Tue 13th Jan 2015 12:41

This made me laugh out loud, something I don't do very often when reading to myself. As Greg says, there are some great lines. I particularly liked 'and if today the weather’s Shi’ite
tomorrow will be Sunni'

:-) #smileyface from me

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Greg Freeman

Tue 13th Jan 2015 11:58

So many great lines in this, Steve. Thanks for putting into words what we all feel about this fatuous Fox News fool. Trouble is, millions of Americans believe everything they see and hear on that pernicious channel, which is owned by some media mogul, I understand. Whatever the plot is, Murdoch and America are fast losing it.

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