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Sweeter Than Any Wine

No, I'm not doing a thing tonight

She uttered to her red dress

Carelessly caressing the wind

 

The man in the pinstripe twisted

Her brown curl with a sly smirk

Then walking down the hill glanced one last time

At the 'v' fold of her skirt

And those chubby knees scarred

By worn nylons

 

After the dusk had mellowed to black

Twice over and brought up a new morn

The young woman lay upon the same checkered quilt

Innocently crushing the green twigs and wondering

If her virginity would ever wander back

◄ Marriage and Her Lover

Cyanide Blues ►

Comments

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Katie

Tue 16th Dec 2014 17:38

I agree with both of your suggestions, thank you! I should read my poems aloud more often.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 15th Dec 2014 20:30

Splendid! Great idea, good images, excellent ending.

I make bold to offer two suggestions, with respect:

'the man in the pinstripe twisted' ('suit' is understood and the rhythm/internal rhyme is wicked)

and

'after the dusk had mellowed to black' - just say it aloud and hear the melody of that line without 'hues'; it travels .... so to speak.

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