Textures of shame

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Glass sides tip away the hope of perception and cameras flash away any hint of reflection
at this hub of metal minds and stiff bodies.


This soft grey raven digs for existence among the steel nest of discardment.
Every sip a taste of us, our residue his everything.

Around me, gold fingered bird-watchers with their fogged up binoculors,
tasting their uncessary glory.
Molten pride down their gullet with every attempt of care.

The raven behind his frosted wall continues as we all did one day,
before the invention of shame.

My full-bodied and leggy red turns slowly
into dishwater sporned from rusty taps
and the pride I swallowed curdles and sits.

The audience huff away the mouldy crumbs invading their platform
with pursed lips and iron smiles.
Their egyptian cotton at risk of the essence of this man.

Stigma strokes me
as the glass tips up and wags its finger.

guilthomelessseparationshamesocietystatusstigma

◄ Bedtime

Count to five ►

Comments

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Fae

Sun 23rd Nov 2014 16:58

Thank you for your kind and helpful words!
This is a piece i'm not entirey happy with. I feel I need another word for shame in the fourth stanza (or maybe just to take the stanza out completely?) and agree totally that it needs to be pruned and structured in some other way. If anyone has any ideas please chuck them my way, i'll get working on it!

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Gray Nicholls

Sat 22nd Nov 2014 15:40

agree with the thoughts already said here, fae and while possibly a bit wordy for my tastes, doesn't hide the fact that you defo have a talent for this.

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Gray Nicholls

Sat 22nd Nov 2014 15:40

agree with the thoughts already said here, fae and while possibly a bit wordy for my tastes, doesn't hide the fact that you defo have a talent for this.

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Fae

Fri 21st Nov 2014 13:13

Thanks Andy I completely agree! Unfortunately I don't think i'd ever get the point where i'd be comfortable to perform what I write and so luckily I have no intention of reading this aloud. But thank you for your comments they really are appreciated.

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Andy N

Fri 21st Nov 2014 12:43

do really like this, fae.

it's perhaps a bit heavy (use of language not topic) to be performed, but it doesn't mean i didn't like it. i think it's excellent.

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