For My Family

 

     I don’t want to die my love,

Not yet, not while the bairns are so small,

I don’t want to die

     And leave you a widow

And the kids without their father,

I have courted the coffin before

But not now, not with all the battles

We’ve won for Wyatt and Sahara.

 

     My intellect has often robbed me

In the past, my tongue believing there are

Injustices that need righting,

And though I try to be objective

And consider every thought,

I know I do myself great disfavours –

Believing anybody cares,

I am, a belittled human being

Like multitudes gone before,

A shout in the cacophony of noise

That goes unheard yet,

     I know you care my love

I know you dare to shout the same

Woes as I,

 

     I was soldier,

I am now disabled,

Yet,

     The bravery be all yours

In coming to this place

Of hard work and even harder looks,

Where you’re judged disabled

Just for the colour of your skin,

     And, like I,

I guess you too,

Do not fit into surroundings -

Of violence and scorn!

 

     Forty-seven years I’ve had,

Half of that time suffering

From voices, pain,

Fatigue, heart attack stroke

And blindness,

     But now

I’m out of breath making love

To the woman I adore,

I cannot walk the stairs no more

Without feeling faint,

I amble outdoors feeling

The onset of panic attacks,

     And I’m crying inside

For every time my children say,

‘I love you Dad.’

 

     I want to see them grow,

Not just grow but prosper too,

And though the world be so Dark,

So damned and cursed,

I want the chance they have

To bring about a life or two,

Three including Fabian;

That is worth a celebration

On each and every Birthday,

     Where they still remain giddy

For all the joy that can be brought.

 

     I love you darling,

Thank you for being you,

Thank you for being brave enough

To hold a disabled hand

     Where other’s

Sly remarks go by,

Do the best you can should I die

Before they fully grow

And let them know,

I will always love them

With all my heart.

 

Michael J Waite 11th October 2014