Fragments of my heart began to scatter like narrowed tears,
Foraging the pieces to corrade together, 'till the very near.
I frech as I hear the boastful brontides approach
Agonously attempting to grasp on to my unconvienent hopes.
My eyes are discerpted, bleeding tears of remorse
Time had fleered me from its natural habitat
Balefully, it mocked my optimistic ways
Pirating, my heart
Now that pitch has lowered, I am delitescent.
You use a heavy weight vocabulary Aiane, to my mind the directness of, say, Together, is more effective, "I grip the blade/ I can't cut/ I handle the rope/ Unable to tie the knot" and effective it is. I liked "Fragments... began to scatter like narrowed tears," but when I come across fleer, I am reminded of As You like it, and Leonato rounding on Claudio: "Don't fleer at me boy!" All the same, your verse carries weight and authority and I certainly don't baulk at or resent worth a damn, looking up a word or two... delitescent eh? Best wishes, Dom.
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Agony Aiane
Thu 9th Oct 2014 15:52
It's quite amusing, my writing skills. I cannot simply write a masterpiece, I acquire my writing abilities from "out of the blue" moments. I have an idea and I, in a fickle manner, dash to writing material and "Voila!" Poetry.