I woke up today, somehow no different than the last

 

Although twenty plus years have passed

 

I’m still a little girl broken on the inside

 

I’m dreaming now, wishing for my eyes to open wide

 

I see you, in a white light with a aura that exudes a sense of relief

 

I see your happiness, but I’m still sensing my own bitter sadness

 

I realize today is just another day, and I won’t see your face

 

This day much harder than the last. Today, is your Birthday.

 

My mind naturally drifts into a sense of wonder

 

Did you struggle to hold on so that you could tell me, you love me, just one last time?

 

Where you hurting?  Who was there to greet you?

 

Are you stuck in leeway? Between the physical world , and this place known as heaven?

 

So many question’s, all will remain unanswered

 

No more time to think, I have to tuck my emotions away.  I have to put on a smile.  It’s time to  start my day

 

Daily life, and the daily grind consume me

 

Before I know it many more days pass

 

What I thought to be the hardest day, really isn’t.

 

Guess what today is, it’s Fathers Day.

 

Women surrounded all around me, still needing their Fathers embrace

 

Sensitive to their touch , smell, and mannerisms.

 

Reality is, here I sit without you

 

Every journey in life yearning  for you

 

Guilt constricts my heart, as I struggle to be happy without you

 

Afraid to admit, jealously is a true emotion

 

You are unable to escort me down the aisle to my future husband

 

Unable to see the birth of your grandchildren

 

Unable to give me experienced advice on life

 

Each day holds a certain amount of emptiness, that just can’t be replaced

 

Time I was told was suppose to heal the wounds

 

Reality is, it hasn’t, it never will

 

In my hands I grasp tightly, your loving memory

 

My thoughts are branded with the unconditional you once were able to give me

 

A wise man, a young man who left too soon

 

You are not here

 

So, for now I lean on believing, somehow you are always with me

 

Are you the lady bug that lands on me after a hard day ?

 

The hard gust of the wind when I think of you

 

When looking up to the sky to pray, are you the brightest star?

 

Do you help orchestrate my  protection, successes, and my ability to conquer my fears?

 

One will never know.

 

I lay down because yet another day has passed

 

I close my eyes, waiting to see the white light.