that night


Twisted metal carnage gleaming in the moonlight

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Crimson ooze gathers and streams down the tarmac

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Like spent matches lying disfigured and discarded they lie slain

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Stars twinkle back upon fractured glass

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

An orange beacon flicks to and fro filling the air with dour glow

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Steam and heat fill the air like ghosts congregating then ascending skywards

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Strewn and contorted debris cools in the eerie stillness of night

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

A distant wail creeps o’er the horizon

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

Followed by screaming lights and horrified faces

Tick-click, tick-click, tick-click

◄ motherhood

saturn ►


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Thu 2nd Apr 2009 17:30

Nice... interesting with all the Tick-Click's...
I like that each line is direct...
I could visualise this quite well.

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alan barlow

Thu 2nd Apr 2009 02:39

thanks for the comments ladies it was one of my first "serious" pieces from a couple of months ago.

and sian everything gets easier with time not that we realise it all of the time, more so now its "out there"

<Deleted User> (5646)

Wed 1st Apr 2009 21:04

Hi Alan,
Good stuff.
It even captured the deadly stillness of the night before ' a distant wail creeps over the horizon, and then screaming lights and horrified faces'

Really good.

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sian howell

Wed 1st Apr 2009 20:04

Hi Alan, thanks so much for your comments on my piece..."This"- a bit painful to write but there you go, it's out now and not inside churning around. The whole 'car crash' scene of your piece is graphic and vivid and conveys the sheer destruction not only of the vehicles but the lives of the people inside them. Great stuff. Sian X

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