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Dusk

 Dusk
out beyond the samphire beds
    muddied shoes muddied legs
hang expectant over bridge’s edge
    dangling for crabs

saltmarsh ditch with water lapping
    seagulls hang with wings unflapping
sunset pink with all the trappings
    frame this gilded scene

beneath serene North Sea sky
    big brother emits triumphant cry
for mother with her net to try
    coordinate the catch

whilst over off a little way
    dad and little brother play
amid the mud and oozing clay
    throwing sticks and stones

the bucket fills at quite a pace
    as gentle sport becomes a race
with other families neatly spaced
    along the bridges' span

dad calls out in ballyhoo
    little brother’s lost his shoe
his foot is stuck in stinking goo
    right up to his knee

the can of tuna almost gone
    shadows match the sinking sun
its time to get our jim-jams on
    and into sleeping bags

from the tilted bucket pours
    two dozen crabs maybe more
scamper sidewards ‘cross the shore
    into the pitch dark dike

salt air breath conveys the talk
    of crabs and wormcasts as they walk
with tiredness not conceived or thought
    for custard creams and cocoa

 

◄ Cowt Leaves

Musing in Ilkley Cemetery ►

Comments

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Ian Whiteley

Wed 19th Mar 2014 19:04

this is fantastic Jeremy - love the images and language very much - I've just posted something about 'dusk' myself and hadn't realised you had posted this until I went to the poetry area to make sure mine had posted - hopefully it steers away from most of your fantastic narrative - great stuff

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jeremy young

Wed 19th Mar 2014 13:36

Thank you Graham.

I wonder how the Urban Dictionary defines hoo-ha? Probably best not to look.

I appreciate your feedback.

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Graham Sherwood

Wed 19th Mar 2014 13:03

Laura's right, the feel good in this is palpable.

Considering the current hoo-ha about rhyme, this shows that done correctly, it works perfectly.

Well done Jeremy,

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jeremy young

Wed 19th Mar 2014 11:37

Thank you Laura, you are most kind,

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Laura Taylor

Wed 19th Mar 2014 09:48

Oh wow. This is just GORGEOUS. So well written, so evocative. I'm right there with them all. I love the sense of stability and security you build in there too with the kids - in jim-jams :) :)

This pleased me greatly. Lovely poem.

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