Whilst basking in the sun last week

I gazed up to the sky

Before I had a chance to blink

A bird crapped in my eye

From the shudd’ring hammock I duly fell

And rolled along the grass

Two snails, a slug were landed on

I squished them with my ass

On rising to beflip-flopped feet

A toe, it got a mangling

A hasty glance confirmed the news

Below my foot, my toe was dangling

Shortly after the reattachment

Lower limb in plaster cast

I bought myself a shotgun

Gave that goddamned bird a blast.