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Dark Night

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What of you my darling

My dearest one

What of you within the warm shimmer of day

Fey careless heart

God gifted you dark night

For all your errant swirling dreams to sail

Far away across deep forever running seas

Storm and tempest ever

Tossing you upon some far distant shore

To sleep forever and dream amore

What of you my darling

My dearest one

Within that darkness wherein you lay

Fey careless heart

God gifted you dark night

 

 

 

Painting          by         Gus Johnsson

◄ My Cousin Rosebud

We Are Missing You ►

Comments

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Francine

Fri 31st May 2013 18:15

I agree with Darren... :-D

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Gus Jonsson

Thu 30th May 2013 11:13

Hi Darren

What tremendous 'rise ' I got from reading your very supportive comments...I am delighted that you liked it.

By the way my apologies for the visit to my place ....t'was time and tide that blurred the arrangement ...lets try again... phone me please

Once again many thanks.

Gus

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Gus Jonsson

Thu 30th May 2013 11:07

Good Morning Cynthia

As ever your critique is bang 'on the money'...but try as I might I feel the tinge of purple is never the less integral.

I've performed this poem both ways to the middle and just feel that the over adjectivised version suits my ear....rather than the page...wherein you are correct.

Anyway, as always Cynthia so good to hear from you.

Hope to see you soon.
love
Gus xx

,,

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Gus Jonsson

Thu 30th May 2013 10:56

Thank you both so much for your comments!!!! ,

I'm truly very sorry for the delay in replying due to an overload of trivia, cooking, golf, and growing older in a far less than graceful fashion.

God knows what will happen when I reach forty.

Once again to two people that I respect and hold in great regard Thank you.

Hope to see you soon.

Gusx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 3rd May 2013 16:05

I like this, Gus. From a 'poetry view', I would carve out some adjectives that don't add much and detract a lot from the movement of words and rhythm, burdening the ideas that could surge freely forward into our minds. The repetition is skillful and effective.

darren thomas

Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:46

It's wonderful to see and read that your writing again Gus. I love this. It resonates.

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