The Seagull

 
 
Far from the commuter’s rush
we watched the skyline linger;
the ferry’s lace of water like trails of
morning pinched in jet stream.
I tried to balance
sneaking my hands into your pockets to keep warm
while you took photographs of America
and a little lopsided, a little drunk
with the quiver of sleep still in my stare
I leant into you and over your shoulder.
He followed us, solitary surfing
on the promise of fish, the salmon pink sky
delicate enough for his finger tips –
wistful, wanting but lazy still; these
beginnings of days where his orange feet
outstretched. Libertine or refugee,
we could not decide
as he flew into the
silhouette of our embrace.
 
 
 

◄ Small Things

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Comments

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Tue 16th Apr 2013 14:03

Thank you Cynthia - for your time and comments. Perhaps I should let go of the punctuation for a while... the pace is important to me but sometimes I do get tangled up! Am hoping to hear you read at Sale tonight so be nice to say hello. x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Tue 16th Apr 2013 11:25

Very atmospheric. Would you consider scrapping most punctuation and letting the reader coast through your words? I think we would arrange your ideas without being steered. I do know that many winning poems in contests are still much punctuated, like image-heavy prose. Yet, I embrace unharnessing words, giving them freedom to fall into your mind (as you do yourself, although I am nowhere as skillful as you are.) Perhaps you are experimenting -different styles for different poems. Balance is hard, but you are the BOSS.

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