Baking bread in Birkenhead

Baking home-made bread in Birkenhead,

Cannot be justified.

I have tried.

Except in the unlikely event

If not paying rent

One has to sell the homely pride

Enticing would-be vendors to come inside.


Baking bread in Birkenhead is fun, amusing but time consuming.

The competition on this grey February day

Is Halo 3 extended play

An assault on a young boys senses.


I have no pretences 

Or maternal aspirations, when compiling lunch boxes, or sorting out sox's

But trying to stimulate juvenile sensations, in morning preparations  

A fairy cake or two may magically appear,

Once or twice a year.


Oh dear

The woman on Woman’s Hour is peering through the radio,

and emailing the woman in the school,

 to say this man, this fool is breaking all the rules.

That poor boys sugar intake.

We’ve found the offending cake.


The Social Worker was polite.

She said she saw the problem

But games like that might

Corrupt young minds

And obesity is a serious crime


Why don’t you try

A trip to the park

A woodland walk

Make some cards

Swim 50 yards

A trip to the movies

Experiment with smoothies.


Or maybe bake some home made bread instead.

◄ Passengers must not cross the line

Judicial Continuity ►


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Mon 4th Mar 2013 18:54

Thanks Isobel...managed to upload a quick audio file as well.

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Mon 4th Mar 2013 13:47

Yes - I like this one too, Emlyn. It is quirky and beneath the humour, you can feel for that man, trying to do his best for the boys.

I like the way you come full circle to the bread and like Anthony's suggestion of adding 'in Birkenhead'. I can imagine it would perform well, with the pauses in the right places.

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Mon 4th Mar 2013 12:09

Thanks for the kind words Anthony, I have emailed an audio to you...that is about the limit of my technological mastery.

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Anthony Emmerson

Wed 27th Feb 2013 11:31

Hi Emlyn,

I read and returned to this several times. I think it's a very clever and well constructed piece - which would obviously (to me) benefit by being heard - rather than read. It has great rhythm and the rhyme isn't so in yer face as to make it too twee. The title is great - it just "bounces" off the tongue. I could imagine this going down extremely well with a young audience. i don't know why, but I want to add a final line just to round it off - a pause, and then simply "In Bikenhead." But that's just me - and I freely admit to a few peculiarities.
Anyhow, I'd love to "hear" it, if you can get an audio up! Enjoyed.


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