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Waiting...

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You're not going to come, it's obvious...
     But still like a fool do I watch and wait
     For you to come to my door. Though it's late
And I should sleep I let these torturous
Thoughts conquer me. Are you oblivious
     To my needing you? Can you truly state
     You need me? I know this, at any rate,
If I ignored you, you'd be furious.

As I lie here, still staring at the door,
Heart lying broken on the bathroom floor,
     I make tears and concern into an art.
Amid silence I hear a distant beat
Possibly being the sound of your feet
     Though more likely it's the pound of my heart.

◄ A Fish From a Far Off and Tide Turning Ocean

Splitting ►

Comments

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winston plowes

Fri 12th Dec 2008 22:37

Hi Tony... Interesting construction. Challenging to read because of it yet once read through a few times seemed to fit for me. Its a desperate lonely poem and a as such the format seems to reflect the hpelessness of things. (Sorry not describing things very well) but imagine it in a tight da de da de da rhyming couplet. not good I think. Winston

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Rodney Wood

Fri 12th Dec 2008 11:38

It should have been really touching but it seemed to me that the attempt to turn it into verse led to using this weird language contruction.

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Chris Dawson

Thu 11th Dec 2008 22:21

Very touching, well written. The change of metre in the second stanza gives the impression of the waiting, slow passage of time - good mood change, I thought. I know the feeling of hurting so much, how can he (or maybe for you - she) not feel that through the ether?!
Cx

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