Sod wearing purple

I’m gonna fake dementia

Sup single malt in Tesco aisles

and Jose Cuervo Gold                       

Steal Thornton’s biggest fuckoff box

of truffles,  milk and dark

Then stuff my face with Krispy Kremes

Leave fingermarks on magazines

I’ll ride the roads in off-peak times

Rob Asdas far and wide

A North West quest to shoplift shite

funded by the State

 

Like Cooper Clarke

I’ll take up smack

Perfect on a pension

A tenner wrap’ll see me through

five day’s worth of budget food

Keep me warm and help me sleep

(can’t afford the heating bills)

Poppy tea and homegrown green

replacing own-brand tins of beans

I’ll start to deal, and not in stocks

So stick your purple cardie                

in the Sad Old Bastards box