This world, another time

 

I was Caitlin to your Dylan

I was katymonster to your kitten

You were the dark lord to my little goth whore

Lost in the characters of our creation

We were each others exception

To the usual norms and rules behind this door 

 

We discovered our darkest fantasies

And lived in our wildest dreams

In a chaotic chasm of love and self detestation

A fait accompli written by a fool

Even though I loved him too

Brought risk and a fear of desolation

 

You told me you and her had talked

You told me you should have walked

You also said you didn’t want to lose them

You told me you did love me

You told me you would hurry

And wouldn’t keep me waiting uncertain

 

Reality coughed up and spoke

And the truth did finally choke

stifling me with emotional devastation

The blood did run thick

And insecurity did the trick

And you disappeared without explanation

 

A husband long gone

And now a love affair all wrong

Against the commitment and deep intuition

We think of each other every day

Regardless of what you say

In the new rules of no contact or admission

 

You shroud deception and shame

And give it another name

hidden behind your deep guilty conscience 

when dark and light collide again

And you will lie alongside me then

For when we die, the truth dies with us

 

If you ever once thought

you made a mistake or fell short

I wonder whether you would let me know

Would you swallow your stubborn pride

Surprise me, turn up and apologise

Kiss me and then I could let go

 

No false hope and longing

ever brought about a belonging

but your incubus still sits heavy in my dark

I was a flighty butterfly

But I was your butterfly

that dusted the colour in your heart

 

I try to scribe away the pain

briefly banish you to whence you came

The breeze blows me solitude and I mourn

I re-write my ending to self preserve

Not only what I desire but what I deserve

Is the pen really mightier than the sword?

 

© Katy Hughes 2012