no title
words
colours
tearing together
across the page
and the
painting writing
are as
a sound
of
a brush
or pen
and out
of
colours
words
worlds
collide
an artist
creates
Comments
Hm, a rewrite is in process in my head Cynthia. Thanks for the comment, much appreciated.
Glyn, this is such a good theme, and a good idea for formatting. IMO, you have excess words that could be cleanly dropped; I cannot see any merit in small inconsequential words making line breaks of themselves, especially articles and conjunctions. I would tighten the poem up, and make the real words/ideas leap out at the reader.
It was written in response to a competition with the theme 'run'. Quite a good discipline to write to a theme. But I didn't think the judges would grasp the idea of colours running together which is what I intended here, so I entered a poem I'd written after I'd been out jogging, which surprise surprise was about running.
Hm,
movement
poetry
Like
that
<Deleted User> (6315)
Wed 2nd May 2012 00:34
I like this Glyn, I enjoy the movement of the poem without punctuation.
I did a movment poem on here called Brown Crickets..took me biddy ages to set up!
Very much like the thought of worlds colliding!
:) Dunno if movement poem is the right word but it is the one I use LOL
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Phillip Kelly
Wed 9th May 2012 15:29
i like the way this poems structure creates a great effect to flow and movement of poem ......creates listing and frantic ever changing movement of mind for me.............and the assonance at the end creates a nice ending......