Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

The Stolen Smile

entry picture

Tears of rain streaked across the blinded eyes of the small shops and cafes that lined the narrow High Street, as muted sounds of a Christian Sunday morning could be clearly heard from behind the heavy oak doors of the Kingdom Hall. God’s gentle music rose up upon the squalling wind into the rain only to pitch tinkling and drumming from the roof tiles until splashing down onto the shining pavement beneath his feet.

The sparkling gutters burbled an accompaniment as he made his way to the Customs House jetty which led him down into the broad parade which bordered the slapping waves of the Solent. Almost at once the wind stole his smile, whipping it out across the grey estuary past the bleak breakwater until finally dropping it, still smiling, into the heaving sea. The boy shivered as he stood for a moment watching the curtains of rain drift across the water to the distant mainland as the silent skies darkened.

‘’ I really hate Sundays, I hate Sundays worse than Saturdays’’ the boy murmured, as he pulled the collar of his thin jacket up to his chin and leaning into the wind as best he could he made his way towards the narrow coast road that lay beyond the parade

◄ Into The Light

REVIEW - WOL 'Ring of Bells' Middleton ►

Comments

Profile image

Gus Jonsson

Sun 22nd Apr 2012 11:46


Thank you so much Iso. Chris, and Yvonne for reading and particularly for your well thought through and encouraging comments.

Hope to see and hear from all soon.

Once again Many many thanks
Gus x

Profile image

Chris Co

Sun 22nd Apr 2012 10:52

Very well painted prose poem Gus.

accompaniment....lovely use of the word.

I love cameos like this, you put the reader in the picture without regard to explanations. Explanations are after all more the plot of films and plays than of life.

My Best

Chris

Profile image

Isobel

Thu 19th Apr 2012 13:32

You paint a good snap shot here Gus and set a sorry mood. There are plenty of things that can take your smile away in life, beyond the weather, n'est-ce pas? It's the best imagery I've ever come across for portraying it though.

I liked the idea of the smile as a tangible thing that you could pick up and drop.

Hope the grown up you is smiling. x

Profile image

Yvonne Brunton

Wed 18th Apr 2012 00:50

It makes me want to read more. I love 'the wind stole his smile' XX

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message