how old was I
nine
I don’t remember
too young though
to change
a fuse
my brother stood
serious eyes
part of the home stood
still
no stylus grooved
nor wireless sang
or lamp shone
here
my dad said
you do this
and you do that
wires
were
cut
a screw turned
half way up the stairs
and
half way down the stairs
I watched
not part of the scene
My sister ignored them
I never learnt
'what's the difference between a vertical gap/pause and a horizontal gap/pause? Or what are they meant to signify?' I would take the vertical pause as a stutter as the electric current tries to flow, a horizontal pause as either no power or power flowing smoothly. You made me think about it. Thank you.
Yes, I see that's the intended effect.Here's a question I've asked poets before and never got a satisfactory answer - what's the difference between a vertical gap/pause and a horizontal gap/pause? Or what are they meant to signify?
And ta for your kind words on Fame.
It's about how you would read it our loud. Gaps for pauses.
I wanted it to stop and start. Rather like the electric current in the poem doesn't flow properly.
Yeah, I liked this. This bit and the stairs lines are nicely done.
here
my dad said
you do this
and you do that
Is there some kind of shape to the poem? Or have I been squinting my eyes in vain?
I enjoyed this too Glyn, An unusual subject to chose and skillfully handled to get your message accross. Worked for me. Win
'On the surface this seems a simple recollection of a basic procedure but methinks there is a lot more going on.' and of course you are correct, Steve. As the youngest I lost a lot. I suppose gained more in that I wasn't pressured 'to do well' and I was spoilt because that was the easiest way. But sometimes spoilt children are neglected. My sister ignored them because she was a girl and girl's didn't do men's work. Thanks for your comment Steve.
If you wish to post a comment you must login.
This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 14th Mar 2012 16:57
I enjoyed this a lot, and follow Steve Black's line of thinking. The poem reads better every time through - a real talent for writing and innovative formatting. Maybe the 'electrical flow' was subliminal.