It Rhymes

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Girls are like tiny diamonds,
as they slip through your hand
Boys are like plasma
dripping back to the sea
Like metal they rust
You can smell them both erode
They tell me it’s the salt in the water
that makes them both corrode

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◄ Meridian Lines

Green Grass ►


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Barbi Touron

Thu 8th Mar 2012 04:27

I really wanted to write something, but I've been sick and well this is all that came out. I think i'll play with it more later. Thanks for all the helpful critics. I appreciate it. Best Wishes

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Barbi Touron

Thu 8th Mar 2012 04:16

I think it has something to do with the enhancing the plasma vapors through the use of a microwave to increase speed of the growing process of the diamond, although I could be wrong.

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Rachel Bond

Wed 7th Mar 2012 23:07

kealan tells me diamonds are in some way related to plasma because of the way they support the life of each does this work. fascinating.

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Rachel Bond

Thu 1st Mar 2012 13:16

typically i am not happy with the diamond comparison as dripping plasma into the sea is a far stronger image the balance of the poem tips to the masculine. and y not? as its conclusion is the comparison, evaluation of the two i feel it should be weighted equally. y i dont know...
not that i care for my fair sex too much, we can be diamonds, beautiful shiny bits of shiny gem...but blood metal and rust they cant mactch, although they all corrode...great poem x

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 1st Mar 2012 11:56

I would add to this poem-
something along the lines of,

'but my heart tells me
it is the dissipation of their Souls'

It seems a pity you preferred not to have
extended it in some way.

Nevertheless,it still is wonderful.

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