There.....

 

There …where the taste of silence is strange and forgotten,

There ... where the pastel sky floats and is  underfoot,

There ...where  the streets are shivering in a foggy mood.

                           They need snow.

 

There … where the face of Earth is changing the poles,

There … where some kilometers of the rain are endless

There... where the ships  kiss  the sunset with their sails.

                            They need wind.

 

There … in the world of only words, where smiles are like tears,

There … where the flowers bloom in  dispassion,

There … where's the world of tired, exhausted passers-by

                             They need faith.

 

There … where the winters are so freezing,

There … where're so many wrong stitching.

There ... where's only darkness around

                              They need blaze.

 

There … where the women send  emails to the distant lovers

There … where trying to find the true love they failed.

There ... where misgiving  the whole life covers

                               They need happiness.

                               

Is there a country where the sky is always blue?

Is there a place where everyone  is always happy and true?

 

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

The 28th of December, 2011

life

◄ Answer My Question, Please!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ►

Comments

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Thu 29th Dec 2011 09:21

Thank you very much Steve for commenting. I'll think about the final line in each verse.

steve mellor

Thu 29th Dec 2011 09:02

Hi Larisa
Like Lynn, I'm not particularly good at critique, and I HATE criticising the poetry of others.
If there is a weakness (for me) in your poem, it's that the final line in each verse, which I believe you intend to be the counterpoint, doesn't always counter all of the previous 3 lines

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 28th Dec 2011 23:27

Thank you so much my dear Lynn. It will certainly help. But... now I go to bed. It's too late here now: 1.27 a.m.

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Lynn Dye

Wed 28th Dec 2011 23:03

Hi again Larisa, I'm not very good as a critique, I can only say what I like, but I'll have a go...

I specially like the first 3 lines of first verse, but the fourth line doesn't seem to fit somehow. You could perhaps rhyme mood with brood, as though the roads are brooding... just a suggestion, it is your poem, not mine.

I like the ships kissing the sunset with their sails in the second verse.
And I like the third verse just as it is.

Hope this helps. xx

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Lynn Dye

Wed 28th Dec 2011 22:38

A lot of good lines in this, Larisa. x

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 28th Dec 2011 22:37

Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do me a favor and.... tell me your opinion,

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Wed 28th Dec 2011 20:30

I'll think about this poem tomorrow.I am always in a hurry, that's why make a lot of mistakes.

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