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Departure

It felt like failure and it felt like goodbye,

the close of the car door with girl leaving the boy

and the wind around the corner carried no discharged leaves,

the grey cloud hovered but the sky suspended rain,

with regular momentum the evergreen was shaking

as everything around them remained just the same.

 

But the girl left the boy and the girl walked away,

the humm of the engine with the purr of the air,

the rustle of the fir behind the throb of the car,

the motorway's rumble heard from afar

and a small solitary plane's heavy thrum through the air,

 

And the boy drove off while the girl stood there,

and the street stayed the same, the empty crisp packet wedged in the drain,

undisturbed dustbins hugging the walls,

anonymous front doors closed on cold empty halls,

The boy had already left when the girl stepped indoors.

◄ Festival time

Domestics ►

Comments

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Glyn Pope

Fri 20th Apr 2012 14:09

This is very clever. Who is leaving who? One is leaving the other remains, the one who remains is leaving. Great stuff.

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Greg Freeman

Sun 27th Nov 2011 23:29

Great rhythm to this, Alison, very assured. Sense of time standing still, just for a moment.

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M.C. Newberry

Sun 27th Nov 2011 12:43

A very real moment...something many have surely experienced in their lives. Intense
and fleeting...and easy to identify with for that.

<Deleted User> (9801)

Sun 27th Nov 2011 12:42

I sense the emotion walking away! been there?xx

steve mellor

Sun 27th Nov 2011 09:29

Despite your 'botheration' I really enjoyed the picture you paint with this piece
Perhaps 'enjoyed' may not be the correct phrase to use in the circumstances written in the poem, but I did

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alisonsmiles68@gmail.com

Sat 26th Nov 2011 17:42

Botheration. I do proof read but it's taken many reads to notice the repeat of "air". There may be changes afoot.

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Dave Bradley

Sat 26th Nov 2011 16:52

Great to see you posting again Alison. This is vivid, made more so by the understated, steady-paced style, which makes the reader feel the moment intensely.

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