When you saw me at the spiritual church you were as shocked as I was, we talked for a while and you gave me a lift home. I gave you my number and you said you’d text me. I tried to call you as I saw you in the phone book. My mate says you’ll be good for me if we go out, he dated you before and now you don’t speak. I remember twenty years ago when we could have gone out, my head was full of teen angst and now I ask what if? My angst now is different than back then, more dangerous. I think I’m a bit like you inside. So full of ghosts I hardly know myself, what I want or who I am.
The curse of life is strong with me. All I know is that I don’t understand the reasons why or answers to any question I ask in this fucked up life. I do know I was impressed by your nice sophisticated look; you remind me of a lady in a band I adore His Latest Flame. Karen did my Tarot reading and said a fiery blond lady with a cat, someone very feminine and girly, happy and popular. Would she have time for me? And break down the barriers to my heart and embrace my soul and me for who I am, not fight or fear me cos I’m different? Is that you, who I’ve known since the mid 80s?
I’m more confused than ever and need to get on the right path in life, this three and a half year road to ruin will do just that, no gal and no job taking me slowly straight to Hell. I know something has to give; will it be positive or more negative? Will we happily ensnare one another and learn to take it easy, be happy and together? Creating something of ours alone, not fighting? I’ll try to call you and look to the sky. Will I see your face up there?