The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and carrots for your eyes -

We told the kids when they were small a right old pack of lies.

But some were more inventive, if not a little queer,

Which kept them quiet or saved us brass for 6 or 7 years.

A ringing, jaunty jingle means the ice-cream van’s about;

We said that when he played his tune it meant he’d just run out!

Time after time this ruse would work exactly as I planned

And saved us, by my reckoning, nigh on half a grand.

But best of all we’d tell our pair when they would not behave

About their older brother, that little bugger Dave,

Who was so very naughty. They asked “Where did he go?”

So I explained Dave’s buried now beneath the patio.