What do you mean, she irons your socks?

Is she some kind of a nut?

If that’s what you expect of a woman

I’m glad we made that cut!

Well, of course I didn’t used to,

It’s a pointless waste of time!

She’s colour-coded your wardrobe?!

And you don’t find that a crime?

 

She cooks you bread and butter pudding

Every single week?

All this and at the same time

She looks fashionably chic?

I think you must be winding me up,

That’s how it’s starting to feel.

I’d like to meet your new woman

And see if she’s for real!

 

Oh, please don’t tell me there’s more.

She bakes all her own bread?

What does she think the shops are for?

You’re messing with my head!

She’s sewn on all your buttons

That were hanging on a thread,

She sounds more like your mother!

(I thought you were looking well-fed…)

 

She keeps your house much cleaner

Than I ever could?

Well, I hope she starches your underwear,

And I hope you find that as good!!!