The first neanderthal to laugh
Passed his days in aching.
A presocratic understanding
Formed as loss
In the gully of his sorrow.
He saw the future
Of humour
Rotting in leaves and deerskull
And the dying of his tribe.
A sky too open to nourish.
The pure blue of it.
Over the ground, bones
The skeletons of friends and lovers.
He wondered why he laughed at all.
Sorry my mistake - bloody heat's melting me head. Not The Pyramid - the Inheritors.
Very 'presocratic'! - fab word; superb title; amazing concept. Do you think they actually differentiated between friends and lovers? So DHLish, that phrase. Check 'gound' for 'ground' - a small error (I think) that does spoil the flow a bit.
You ever read The Pyramid by William Golding?
I really like this one. Firing on all cylinders lately.
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Andy N
Thu 4th Aug 2011 08:35
excellent as normal, kealan.
you want to consider splitting the last line into a stanza by it's self as it may have more impact by itself.
otherwise, keep em coming! x