Plastic Sheets Wipe Clean

 

I can't stop chasing little old women

I'm after our neighbour at number  eleven

She says she's too old for me, an octogenarian

But she doesn't look a day over sixty-seven

 

I don't want your mumsy milfery

I want grannies, godless and wrinkelly

they're much more grateful for a bit of fun

than your average, middle-aged single mum

and they give you a proper cream tea with a home-baked scone

it only takes 3 seconds to make them... If you can

hotwire a pacemaker they're like orgasm bombs

and  you can play in their wheelchairs when the deed's been done

 

But I can't stop chasing little old women

The plastic sheets make it twice as thrilling

And I can't stop filthy dirty zimmer-zim-zimmin

With these two old girls from the local mission

 

I thought I had it made, thought I was really dead swell

Two hotties on the the go at once, thought I was doing well

But Esmee had a heart attack and down the stairs she fell

And landed upon Ethel, there's not much more to tell

 

But I can't stop chasing little old women

Not my choice, just the cards I was given

For 2 weeks now I've been seeing Miss Scrivens

Next door-but-one at number eleven

I went round one day for tea and whist

She lifted her skirt to show me her tits

I was expecting a nice quiet game of rummy

When what she wanted was some rampant cunny-she

Lingers on in my mind now still

Since she ran away with a bloke called phil

 

She thought the age gap too extreme

whence before it had not been

and I said to her, how could this be?

It was too small - phil's seventeen