I used to think I

was my own worst enemy

and so did many

of my friends.

 

But I wanted to be sure

 

so I kept a diary

to remind me

of faces and places,

fluctuations in pulse,

blood pressure,

respiration,

frequency of swearing

and kicking the cat.

 

Turns out I was wrong.

My worst enemy

is Jeremy Kyle.

I only made 4th place!

I grabbed 3rd on the death

of Jeremy Beadle

but I'd have to do

summat really stupid

to overtake

Jeremy Clarkson.