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if?...

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if............

 

if?

stops me in my tracks

too many times

'protects' me

from risk-taking

paints the whole picture

of potential calamity

then plays it back to me

in surround sound

 nicam stereo

 3-d

 

 

if?

has o.c.d. as its default setting

tells me constantly

to check

and check again

before taking any action

 finally persuading me

that it really isn't worth it

 

 

if?

tells me I should shut up

not share

the things I need to tell you

for fear of reprisal

so I am mute

my lips stay sewn shut

despite the stitches

beginning to loosen

and the consequences of my unspoken words

ring in my ears

 

if?

is a bully

masquerades as hesitancy

tells me

its gracious to take no action

 wise to remain silent

if flutters wings of indecision

even when my heart beats

with momentary braveness

and I am undone

the stuffing showing

 

if?

keeps me locked

in a gilded cage

from which I look out

and see life

in all its vibrancy

the party in full swing

while I retreat

shrink back

into shadows

 

if?

is a tunnel

long,without end

a cave in which I half live

the obligatory light at the end

always just beyond my reach

 

ivy trails its slimy walls

pulls me back in

every time I move forward

one step forward.... two steps back

one step forward two... steps ….back

 

 

 

 

john darby 20/06/2011

If? hopeless feelings down depression

◄ memory box

the day of her leaving ►

Comments

tony sheridan

Fri 9th Nov 2012 12:45

I can relate to this. Well done. Take care, Tony.

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Shirley Smothers

Fri 8th Jul 2011 16:33

If?
Sounds like my life.
So well expressed.
Good writing

Shirley

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Elaine Booth

Wed 6th Jul 2011 22:03

John, has all the power of that first reading. You know how sad it made me feel! Good to see it posted. XX

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