Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.

A Single Night

So maybe I lied,
just a little,
when I said I'd give anything.
But, I was tempted by your dimples
and no one ever reminds a boy
that a single night wont last forever.

Later,
after morning breath
and a song.

I really could spend all day
drinking orange juice
from the bowl of your back.
Intertwined so completely
I'd need a map to tell
where my leg ends or your arm begins.

But, there's Anton St.
and plans I made almost a month ago
with another lover.

◄ Untitled

Summerset ►

Comments

Terry White

Mon 21st Mar 2011 19:27

I'm so glad it left you wanting to know more. Believe it or not, the rest of the story is just the filler. I really wanted something small that almost took you into a story, then pulled back and left you with nothing but curiosity.

Profile image

Anthony Emmerson

Mon 21st Mar 2011 17:53

Hi Terry,

I enjoyed this little snapshot. I'm not usually too keen on "first person" poetry, but this worked for me simply because of the enigmatic twist at the end. Those last three lines take the poem in an entirely different direction.

I think you could lose the second stanza, which doesn't add anything in terms of "direction."

The best quality is that it leaves the reader wanting to know more about our trio - asking more questions than it answers.

And I'm a sucker for dimples too - wherever they're situated on the female form (blushes!)

Short, succinct, stylish.

Regards,
A.E.

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sun 20th Mar 2011 11:52

Love it Terry - Class !

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message