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Kosher

He bears a cornucopia

of psychiatric symptoms

and gives me claustrophobia

when I spot him in the distance.

Instantly I'm lonelier,

that old familiar sickness:

the seasoned melancholia

that turkeys feel at Christmas.

No flunkey could be phonier,

he'd sell his gran for sixpence;

don't let him get close to you

without at least one witness.

Ignore the gloomy brochure:

he isn't kosher.

 

I know he'll speak of suicide

and the cuffs upon his wrists

will rise enough to catch my eyes

but I'm unconvinced by it.

I recognise who's bona fide

and he ain't on my list.

He starts a war and then subsides

when the touch-paper is lit;

he conquers you and then divides

your loyalties bit by bit;

he sells weapons to both sides

and claims that it's legit.

He's gamekeeper and poacher:

he isn't kosher.

 

I've had more than my quota

of his brainless, boorish banter.

There ought to be a rota,

someone else should have to answer.

He's a fickle floating voter

who is apt to pull a flanker

and needs dragging off that sofa

where his arse has dropped the anchor

as he plays the passive smoker

who infects me with a cancer.

I wish he were remoter

than the shores of Sri Lanka.

He's a hoodwinker and hoaxer:

he isn't kosher.

◄ Failed States

Plotinus and the Gnostics ►

Comments

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Carolyn

Sat 5th Feb 2011 00:30

Really enjoyed this. Especially the rhymes, which are very clever. I liked the refrain and its repetition. The whole poem has rhythm and beat. Excellent

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Laura Taylor

Fri 4th Feb 2011 13:30

Late to this - liking the rhymes, the sing-song feel to it...deffo Dury-like, especially 'remoter' :D

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Greg Freeman

Thu 3rd Feb 2011 11:22

I get this now you mention Ian Dury, Ray. Very much his style of lingering lovingly over words like "cornucopia" and "claustrophobia". Only wish I could hear him singing it. Will you have a go instead?!

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Ray Miller

Thu 3rd Feb 2011 08:39

Thanks all.
Chris. He isn't kosher is meant to be an Ian Dury-type refrain.

Steve.Aw, come on. An aversion to rhyme due to That's Life! That's like hating all Germans because of Hitler, hating all Muslims 'cos of.... you get the point.I always assume people are taking the piss until they prove otherwise.

Isobel.It did eventually focus on one particular person, though originally I was trying to emulate a poem of John Cooper Clarke's called 23rd.

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Isobel

Wed 2nd Feb 2011 16:43

Yes - I'd agree that there are plenty of clever lines in here.

'He starts a war and then subsides
when the touch paper is lit'

I can remember many a time when this has happened to me. You strike out for a common cause and then all of a sudden find yourself all alone against the mob...
Plenty of aggravating traits in this person Ray. Is it someone you know or the personification of something - an element we all carry
within to varying degrees? No doubt you will enlighten us at some point. An interesting read.

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Chris Dawson

Wed 2nd Feb 2011 14:49

There are some really good lines in this Ray, and it rattles along nicely - apart from 'he isn't kosher' - which jars - but I suppose that's the point?
Enjoyed reading it though.
Cx

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