Neptune's Daughter

Her hand draped; met with mist

and calmly laid. Blue and milk

and midnight kissed, cooing porcelain

 

down to the sweet drip,  where rose petals

drowned, and rose again, like Annabel’s hair

pinched in the air, and the trawler nets from the sea.

 

The curtain snitched, a maid, threadbare, gave to the wind,

and the moon stared. He drew her fair,

watched the sea clothe her in the sigh

 

and promised youth, and love, would fix

with the tied pearl ribbons around her foot,

growing lungs sore in the parting strides -

 

shuddering; salty kisses falling on her lips.

Her smile, her smile, he held bewitched

in ripples eclipsed in the dewy light

 

that touched her face, like a sleeping child,

and whispered, once, and only once,

his keeping heart, “Good night”.

◄ Untitled Bubble

Reading (Sestina) ►

Comments

Profile image

Marianne Louise Daniels

Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:04

thankyou for your kind comments.

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Wed 26th Jan 2011 16:21

I'm a big fan of sea shanties, fishermans songs, and the fisherman's wives songs...this is very similar...and I'm a big fan of this now

Excellent - loved it


Janet s Brown

Wed 26th Jan 2011 14:40

I agree with every comment here :), fab LOVED IT :) you are a talent and a half :)

Profile image

Francine

Wed 26th Jan 2011 01:26

I too enjoyed reading this, Marianne - several times!
It has such a lovely and romantic feel to it...
My favourite lines:

'shuddering; salty kisses falling on her lips.
Her smile, her smile, he held bewitched
in ripples eclipsed in the dewy light'

Profile image

Elaine Booth

Tue 25th Jan 2011 22:49

Very beautiful language and imagery.

stella jones

Tue 25th Jan 2011 19:59

such a beautiful read, rich in its language and lovely to think over..

Profile image

John Aikman

Tue 25th Jan 2011 17:39

Fabbo! Ancient, dream-like vibe without descending into archaic language and a dozen cliche traps neatly side-stepped. That is a real skill.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

Jx

Profile image

Rachel Bond

Tue 25th Jan 2011 17:35

lovely poem, rich language and beautiful sea language
im hooked on the frishermens bait x

Profile image

Gus Jonsson

Tue 25th Jan 2011 16:56

Good Evening Marianne

You have excelled... this is a wonderful almost illustrated piece.

I loved ;
shuddering; salty kisses falling on her lips.
Her smile, her smile, he held bewitched
in ripples eclipsed in the dewy light

Well done again .
Gus xx

Profile image

Jules Clare

Tue 25th Jan 2011 14:41

Memorable, moving, reminds me of my daughter and living on the shores of Loch Fyne in Argyll and Bute in a castle

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Tue 25th Jan 2011 14:01

So many images, it's almost too thick with them - but not quite! Love it! x

Profile image

Chris Co

Tue 25th Jan 2011 13:51

Quote

Her smile, her smile, he held bewitched
in ripples eclipsed in the dewy light

that touched her face, like a sleeping child,
and whispered, once, and only once,
his keeping heart, “Good night”.

Unquote

Lovely lines.

I like the opening stanza, the continuity of the language and way it feels in the palate upon reading.

tactile and soft.

Chris

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message