What she said

You will miss me

when you are alone, she said,

when the tide of life’s cold wind

freezes about your head

when the sunset burns red

and only you are there to see

when the laughing of the stream

mocks you in your stead

when your arms wrap around nothing

as they search your empty bed

when you melt at seeing a smile

but wake from dreaming it instead

when the flowers in the florists

wet your eyes as you pass by

when they well in your quieter moments

till you give it up and cry

you will miss me when I’m dead,

so shu’ up, she said.

Look! All I meant was...



Talk to the hand,

the face ain’t listening.

Loser! Minger! Dickhead, she said

 But, listen, all I said...

Do you want this fucking bottle

wrapped around your head?

She said.

And, the laughing of the stream

seemed like music in my head,

and my arms reached out for nothing

and the smile I dreamt was dreamy

and the flowers in the florists

were wreaths to celebrate the dead.

What you thinking about?

She said.


◄ Where dragons and maidens are no more

Standing close ►


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Wed 22nd Dec 2010 10:38

Fit to formula stuff really: create a cynical world of drudgery in a peculiarly engaging and beautiful way and have fun bashing its cheeky face in til its own mother wouldn't recognise it.

I probably ought to start selling these things as kits together with self-assembly instructions.

<Deleted User> (7212)

Tue 21st Dec 2010 23:15

Dermot - I really do try not to critique, but for me, the first 17 lines were totally masterful - superb - & after that it all seemed to go off the rails - but apologies if that's what you intended. If I'd written the first 17, I'd be very very pleased with myself. just my 2 cents. all the best. B

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Tue 21st Dec 2010 19:31

Reminded me of Men are from Mars - very well put together and entertaining not to mention skilful
thought the metaphors were great - favs were 'so shu’ up, she said' and 'laughing of the stream'

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