I don't understand
being beautiful, being desired
I have no experience
of anything
but...
crooked smiles
inconsequential voices
feeble frames
and frightened eyes

Frightened eyes
despise
everyone, everything
everyone and everything
Frightened eyes
consider lies
the currency of choice
to navigate the halls of hate
down which they walk everyday
At everyone they pass, they laugh
and everything they see, they secretly
want, so badly, to be...

I don't understand
being youthful, being vital
I have no energy
for anything
but...
vicious side-swiping
venomous debasing
violent de-throning
and squint-eyed loathing

Squint-eyed loathing
seeping in
every hour, every day
every hour of every day
squint-eyed loathing
the only thing
I can undertake to truly know
Deeper goes my insight into
scared-shitless creeping feelings
and everyone I meet, I mistreat
and everything I learn, I, in return
want, so badly, to burn...

(Jan 2009)