The Tale of Sebastian, Falling Into the River

 

“When I fell off the roof of my house, or into a canal,

it was because gravity made itself master over me."

The words of artist Bas Jan Ader

 

falling

falling

falling

falling as gravity overwhelming his body,

as a conscious decision off the beaten track,

as test of the limits of the human body and of strength or balance

the moment of losing control becomes a conscious focus decision

 

An otherwise mistake becomes a deliberate narrative

Falling and failure,

an inescapable experience of life

 

Falling is inherently linked to a loss of control

For a moment, everyday life is disrupted,

bringing the body to the ground, to the river floor

 

Falling can occur in solitude or as the result of a violent act

But is there a way to fall that is autonomous and empowering?

Can falling be practiced,

claimed as a performative act, shaped, and collectively redefined?

 

 

falling

falling

falling

falling in all its facets

 

Echo from the Greek ēchos meaning sound

In Greek mythology, Echo was a beautiful nymph

Zeus loved consorting with beautiful nymphs

and often visited them on Earth

Eventually, Zeus's wife, Hera, became suspicious,

and came from Mount Olympus to catch Zeus with the nymphs

Echo, by trying to protect Zeus (as he had ordered her to do),

endured Hera's wrath,

and Hera made her only able to speak the last words spoken to her

 

falling

falling

falling

falling in love

 

So when Echo met Narcissus and fell in love with him, she was unable to tell him how she felt and was forced to watch him as he fell in love with himself

 

Listening is an active awareness of the coming together of two people,

The most effective way of saying ‘I love you’ is to be an active listener

Each little clause of ‘I love you’ holds so much meaning

It’s an act, it's something that you do, it's intentional

 It’s about caring by the other person

That relationship. And that struggle

I am asking you to listen,

I'm asking you to meet me halfway as I talk,

I am inviting you to enter a space of conscious interaction

You and me

 

So, Echo because she cannot speak

she cannot seduce Narcissus

so she pines away into nothing

She dissolves into thin air and remains only as a voice

 

falling 

falling

falling

falling into the river

 

Sebatian fell into the river but it was more than just gravity,

desire made itself master over him

 

For Sebastian was like Narcissus,

he thought himself as beautiful as St Sebastian – hailed as a queer martyr

He fell for himself

and when looking into his reflection in the water of the river,

he plunged so deep into his own desire,

that he drowned on the river floor

 

 

 

 

Can falling in love, not with oneself, be redefined?

So to say ‘I love you’ becomes an act of joy and resistance?

 

falling becomes the foundation

bodies falling in love

choreographed falling, giving it an active, collective dimension.

falling transformed into a cyclical process

falling and rising as an interdependent loop

 

Will Sebastian allow himself to fall, not in love with himself

but with somebody else?

 

Reclaiming falling,

detaching it from its violent context

transforming it into a powerful form of resistance

 

So as Sebastian fell and lay on the river floor,

he rose, and got out of the water

And whispered I love you into another man’s ears 

 

Although Sebastian’s looks were indeed as beautiful as those of the Saint,

him saying ‘I love you’ to another man was an act of

beauty, solidarity and community

all by itself

 

 

 

For I am Sebastian, the river boy

And sometimes, ‘I love you’

can remain unspoken but felt

 

We’ve created a romantic falling

A slapstick love 

Clash of us two

mutually incompatible codes,

exploding the tension

A collision ending in laughter

Our joy is found in humour

Yet, I am too embarrassed to share with him

for fear of making, him laugh so hard that he bursts

the true story of when I was 18

and I drove on the A21 on the wrong side

Left lane when it should have been right

Sober, I may add, at 2am

I drove through two no entry signs

It only occurred to me 3 miles in

that there was nobody else driving

in the left-hand lane

When suddenly, I was surrounded by police cars

Told to get out of my car

The next day, I went to the local police station

Got off without even a warning or penalty point

when I told the policeman,

‘I apologies Sir, for I am an artist, a poet

whose mind just got a little disturbed.

Thank you, Sir, for your empathy’

 

And despite our joking and laughing

at the humour found in each other’s history,

sometimes at one another’s expense,

our unspoken unvoiced love

for each other remains.