I stare at my reflection on the screen

A heavy stretch from one wall to the other

Trapped in a loop that never breaks—  

A time that plays forever, repeating.  

Images flicker, one after another

Chasing continuity like a ghost.  

They tell stories in clicks and clacks

Each frame pulling my eyes along

Swapping out contrasts like lenses

My gaze aching from too many rays absorbed.

 

I lay on the sofa

My mind spinning, a dial turning too fast.

I think of my children—  

I think of running away.  

The scenes play out

Each one carving deeper into my thoughts

As if they’re etching lines into my soul.

 

This is new, this experience

Twins, you can imagine—  

I almost say "nightmare" out loud

Every time they feed from my breast.  

The pain is unbearable.

I’ve seen my tears twice

Maybe four times in one day.  

It’s a topic shrouded in shame at home

A secret I cannot share with her.

 

I carry it all—  

These silent burdens wrapped in softness.

The joy is in the smiles

But the pain lingers like a shadow—

Unspoken, untold

Yet always present.