I’m your smooth - talking

free speech warrior,

I like posing in military gear

in helmets and flack-jackets

that say 'PRESS',

(not that I’d need one)

‘cos these are my mates,

yes, I’m here in the Middle East

‘cos I am defending THE WEST,

in the war THEY’ve declared,

‘cos they’re jealous that we’re the best,

well, that’s what I’ve heard!

know - what - I – mean?

nudge - nudge, wink – wink!

Meanwhile, back in Blighty,

I’m ever so smooth - talking,

vowel - contorting,

mystery - making

conspiracy - theorising,

with a nudge – nudge here,

and a wink – wink there,

no, it’s not that I’m bothered

about folk who are brown,

or all those black babies

in prams with their mothers,

or illegal muslims

selling shariah take-aways,

oh yeah, live and let live

is what I say,

BUT, it’s just that my friends,

have genuine concerns,

just asking questions

know - what - I – mean?

expressing heartfelt

deeply - held concerns,

about all those people,

there on our high streets,

earning a living,

paying their taxes,

well, are they, though?

all those hairdressers,

know - what - I - mean!

nudge - nudge, wink - wink,

yes, I’m your free speech defender,

I’m your warrior saviour,

and I’m here to defend you

from all kinds of forrin behaviour.