I’m Tony the Tortoise, how do you do?

I always go missing, but how about you?

My owners go crazy when I disappear

I’m Tony the tortoise and I like a glass of beer

 

I walk very slowly, that is no lie

Humans are always in a hurry

I don’t know why

What time I get to where, I want to be

I’m Tony the tortoise

And It doesn’t matter much to me

 

I sleep for half the year, In my straw bed

I need time to rest, my weary head

Then when I wake up, I have the time of my life

Make up for lost time, making love

to my two wives? 

 

Now as for my birthday and how old I am

Well all I remember is being put in a van

They dumped me in this place

Around nineteen sixty odd

They reckon my age is just around turning 61

 

So I’m Tony the Tortoise, how do you do?

I always go missing, but how about you?

My owners go crazy when I disappear

I’m Tony the tortoise, Now shut up

and get me a beer!!

From ‘100 More Reasons for Rhyme’