I've being doing it for years I know how to drive
According to you were in a death race trying to survive
Yes of course I saw the big blue road signs
And I've stayed safe between all the white lines

I'm not to close to that car in front
At this speed I'm sure it would be faster by punt
You grab the dash at slightest move
Can't even use the radio for some clever groove

I do know what this is, the cars gear stick
And how to use it, it's no clever trick
Yes of course I do know where we're going
There's is no hold ups and the traffic is flowing

You'd think I hadn't driven for thirty years
And I had spent the last minutes crunching the gears
Or using the indicator way to late
Did you see that lorry waiting by that gate?

You huff and you puff, directions you bark
At this rate we'll arrive way after dark
You moan and complain, when we go over thirty
Is there any need to get so shirty

I've had no crashes, a few minor bumps
And yes I've seen those bloody speed humps
Oh God I do hope we get there today
This supermarket is only three miles away!

We arrive safe, amazing, in the car park
And yes I'll park here, oh what a lark!
And then you mutter the immortal words
We'll have to go back I've forgotten my purse!

So if you want some advice, it's easy and clear
No need to pay for psychologists or some clever seer
Hand her the keys when you walk out of the door
The drive will be much easier down to the store!

MDH 2018