there's been a tightening in my chest as of late. 

my dad says its the cigarettes ive started smoking. 

that the clouds that form around the people i talk to, 

well theyre no good for me. 

 

there's been a longing in my bones as of late. 

my brain tells me its the position i curl myself into, 

spine splitting in two as i gape.

 

there's a funny sadness in my heart as of late.

what's wrong with me has been the question most often asked. 

im dreaming days and years, 

im awake in dreams and i muddle them with sleep. 

i hear flashes of a life inside me, 

i see twinkles of a love within me. 

 

there's a painful loneliness in my hands as of late.

i segment my own fruit. 

i count equations on them. 

i annotate. i prod. 

i want to feel someones hand in mine, 

ive felt someones tongue on mine. 

 

there's been a sourness in my mouth as of late. 

cruel things keep escaping it. 

their tails and whiskers whimpering their way out,

before i have the sense to clamp my teeth on them.

 

there's been a hardness in my eyes as of late. 

the purposefully placed circles of smudged mascara under them.

they make me look old.