I could not care less, at first
who was sitting beside me in 14A and B 
Having spent the week in Helsinki in search of 
He who drew men in bulging black and white, leather 
Through forests, through trees, in amongst the heather
I could not find Tom of Finland 
Now gazing out of my window at those same forests now miles above me 
With feelings akin to those of me not understanding the overhead announcements spoken in a language I did not speak nor understand 

I did not care much either for what was on or who was serving the drinks trolley
Too petite, too well groomed, no frisson or rub
To ignite any imaginary inflight erotica  

Plane jolt, my eyes look down 
On their way back up, to my right, in 14a
The biggest blast of colour on this black and white flight
Bronzed legs like logs 
14A, B and C, in the emergency exit, you get more leg room 
It would be a crime to put legs like those in standard legroom 
and not see them stretched out in full 
If this plane went down and I was thrown into the ocean 
those logs would keep me afloat, I’d be perfectly happy 
being marooned on those floating legs cast out at sea awaiting my rescue 

Tanned face too
Wavey blonde locks hanging over stylish specs
Tom of Finland was there right next to me asleep in 14A

Duty free through the cockpit 
Tom purchases a wildly expensive cologne
With such finesse, such class for someone sitting in economy
The way Tom taps his contactless on the reader
I could not hear what Tom was saying
I’m drowned in white noise 
But I bet he said it with finesse

We begin our descent 
My ears pop
I crash down to earth with a bump. 
My head no longer in the clouds when I hear Tom speak
In mockney Cockney, Kent/Essex lingo 
An accent that only us from Kent can detect 
‘Alright Gaz, could do with a waz’ he says to mate in 16B
His luggage label reads: Dan Chambers, 14 Station Road, Dartford, DE12 4XS
Even though he’s not my Tom of Finland
I’ll remember this metrosexual geezer who plucks his eyelashes with a tweezer 
as the devilishly handsome with uncouth yawn
Dan of Dartford