all i know is that i love you. 

all she knows is that she loves you. 

in the dead of summer, in the heat of the summer.

resting on a grassy hill she hold her head against yours and licks away the tears.

and i watch on. i stare and stare at the screen, i stare and stare.

my jeans unbuttoned since the waist is too tight and i feel sick without a hand against my stomach. 

my legs rest under me and sometimes infront.

i cannot keep still as she kisses you and i stare in pathetic voyeur. 

thats all i seem to ever be.

the ugly, too ugly and too funny.

the girl who watches and never is, never does.

all my emotions are second hand, used.

i learned how to feel from the movies.

they say i learned to kiss, i learned to make love, i learned to dream

from the movies.

not me. i watch them kiss you on screen and i feel like im being kissed.

i feel like i am there with you and when i turn my head it is as if the film is all around me and im looking on and on and now im there im with you i am with you on the hill and theres a soft breeze and it smells like blood and soap and im breathing heavily because i have the cold but also because im exhilirated and yet im so alone and so sad and when the film ends i feel sick. 

i feel so sick.

ive gorged myself on food and love and someone elses emotions.

feeling someone elses feelings isnt what we are supposed to do. 

you'll end up owing a debt to a screen and a bag of popcorn.