Sometimes I think the name 'Joanne' really isn't sufficiently frivolous-

Because just now on telly, I saw a mushroom named 'HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS'.

Compared with plain old boring 'Joanne'....HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS is very exotic!!

I mean yes, my parents would surely been deemed PSYCHOTIC

If they'd have given me such a name

But who could have blamed 

Them though!!!??

Truly unique!! 

Exquisitely boutique!!

People would FREAKKKKK

TF OUT!! when they'd ask: 'Name??'

And I'd stand there... chuckling to myself.... raising my game-

From vanilla-manilla 'Joanne'.......to **HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS!!!!**

LET'S DO THIS!!!

Name change!!

All the rage-

These days!!

My parents would *probably* remain loyal-

By phone saying: 'Hello? Is that Hideous?'....(and yes they *would* definitely silently recoil)...

But longer term gains matter!!

It'd get the neighbours a-natter!!

'All press is good press', so they say.

There again.. it would probably keep my daughter away

From me for a while

She definitely would NOT SMILE

While stood next to me in line

'HIDEOUS GOMPHIDIUS, the Dr will see you now!!'. "You utter swine!!-

Mother, for changing your name!!"

She would exclaim.

The idea's therefore cancelled from my brain (booooooo!!!).

So 'Hideous Joanne Gomphidius'? ...it's been nice to know you-

But I do NOT need my highly judgemental daughter calling me a POO-

HEAD. 

Yet again. 

For the fifty millionth time.