The Charge of the Light Ale’rs (apologises to Tennyson)

 

Half a lager, half a larger,

Half a larger. Onward

into their bellies so fast.

Poured the six punters.

"Four more light ales they craved!"

“Charge a large gin!" he said.

Into their bellies in haste

Poured the six punters.

 

"Four more light ales !" They craved

Err, were men so ale'd?

Not though the barman knew

Someone overcharged.

Not them to make amends.

Not them to reason as friends,

Theirs but to disrupt and offend.

Into the belly of each

Poured six more pinters.

 

Conmen to the right of them

Conmen to the left of them

Conmen in front of them

Jostled and bundled;

Stormed them with girls to sell.

Bodily, they rode the swell.

into the rooms undressed.

Worked those whores from hell.

Then stumbled and fumbled.

 

Flushed all their cares that day

Flushed around the bend, they say

Sobering those gins away.

Charges so balmy, yet

A price they gladly met.

Plunged into thickened smoke.

Played the girls, snorted coke;

Couples, threes, then half a dozen.

Their repertoire beneath the covers

Shattered and hungry

When they strode out, now penniless,

That's what having fun does.

 

Conmen, on the right of them.

Conmen on the left of them.

Conmen behind them.

Now trolleyed and outnumbered,

shoved by those that yelled.

Those whores who our heroes felled.

Those who contorted well.

came through with stories of life.

Out from that house of hell,

Home to friends, stories to tell,

A night with sex wonders.

 

When will their grinning fade?

Do they remember the wild charges paid?

just to say they had been laid.

Honour those in the early hours!

Honour their sexual prowess.

Ignoble six punters!

#parody

◄ Within your eyes

Busy Mister Taxman ►

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