I hate weekly food shopping

I feel sometimes like, Topping

myself, I’d enjoy much more, Hopping

around on one leg for a week, or Lopping

my legs off at the knees, be seen Bopping

to The music of Chrissie Hynde, or Belly-flopping 

off the Eiffel tower, Chopping

down an endangered rain forest, or Mopping

up vomit on an emergency room floor, Toppling

headfirst, over the grand canyon, even Popping

around to get advice from Donald Trump,

Instead, I'm sat here in the car sobbing and sopping

The wife says there’s no way “that shopping is stopping”.