I feel just like a chimney pot

that's been hit by lightning,

after overhearing her on the

phone, for it was frightening

 

having a fling with a woman

doesn't talk like that to me

why she's been off it lately

promised her she'd be free

 

things are now making sense

no more those tickling toes

saying I needed to be firmer

bedside drawer full of dildos

 

digs about my rank obesity

a frantic interest in hockey

a fad for Lady Gaga, a new

tattoo has made her cocky

 

I've just had it out with her

she says I'm out of my mind

threats to put me in a home:

her friend's just being kind

 

now she's got Mohawk hair

I'm lost in a flurry of sorrow

I know! I'll get her a nice gift

she's seventy-six tomorrow