When you’ve been down for so long that your head starts to pop and you know that you’re drowning and know you can’t stop.  When you know that there’s rhyme but you can’t see the reason and your head go on strike and your heart commits treason.  When your stomach is turning, anxiety high, when your blues say hello and your hopes say goodbye.  And confusion is squatting in the halls of your mind, when your dreams went on holiday but left you behind.  When the bed isn’t made and the floor isn’t swept, when you aim for the right and you fall to the left.  When the demons play hopscotch (but you are the lines) and the angels forgot to put out all the signs.   When your shadow’s behind you, in front, and on sides, and your ego says ‘Hi’ while your sanity hides.  When your full of self-doubt and can’t make a decision, and the voice in your head only speaks in derision.  When you’re speaking your truth and they call you a liar, when your love turns to ice and your hate catches fire.  When you reach for your logic and pull out a plumb, when you drink like a pirate and mask trauma with rum.   When your will starts to falter and you’re stood at the altar of your own self destruction because you’re failing to function.  When your thought gets fragmented because you know you consented to self-sabotage - then just sat and lamented.  When the sky only rains and the clouds only thunder and the things you believe break in two and asunder.  And your mind’s eye needs glasses, your soul vision is poor, when you swapped your virginity for being a whore.   When you bleed tears in silence from emotional violence, the self-help books you once read will not stay in your head.  The cuckoo clock in your mind starts to chime 3 AM, and you’re thinking “Oh fuck this, is happening again?”.   Take time - take a minute, you’re not in this to win it, but to feel it and heal it, and it’s hard to begin it.  Just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day, these are places that you visit not places you stay.  Tell the dickheads to do one, take some time on your own, switch of all distractions and divorce the phone.  Because this world that we live in is unnatural and fake, measures worth by your beauty and how much you make.  It’s seeps through your eye balls and into your bones, self-love becomes sanctioned and envy condones.  Find your smile for a while in just where you are at, and don’t flow with the mainstream, you’ll end up a twat. 

◄ A bad day....


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Aviva Rifka Bhandari

Thu 17th Jun 2021 12:02


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